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my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.