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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.