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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...