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Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.