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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.