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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
The word bed looks like a bed.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that Iām right.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...