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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.