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No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.