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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time