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Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account