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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Go ahead caller 9!!
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.