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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Nothing says "I`ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.