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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.