Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.