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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.