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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
I`m going to hell in every religion!
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.