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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.