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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out Iām not fat. Iām a panda.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)