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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?