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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.