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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
A wise man, will often say nothing
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.