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Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.