Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.