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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Go ahead caller 9!!
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes