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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.