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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Iām holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!