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Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
I fake my lol`s