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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.