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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.