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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.