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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.