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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!