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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.