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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.