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Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.