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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
My favorite beer is an open one.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.