Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.