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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Marriage is for quitters
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.