Daily Silly Status

Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.

I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.

If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.

MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.

I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.

pumpkin for sale, slightly used

I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)

Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."

My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.

Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven

I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)

Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.

I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!