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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Survival rule #1: Don`t go first.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch