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Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.