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I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.