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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.