Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.