Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.