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I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.