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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches