Daily Silly Status

I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.

In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck

White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.

I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.

You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".

I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.

If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.

I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"

What idiot called it the toaster and not the tanning bread?

Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m