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For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.