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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.