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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.