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You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?