Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC