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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
“I saw that.” -Karma
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !