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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.