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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.