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Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?