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If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I`m at my most badass when I`m popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.