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I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Bacon...need I say more
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.