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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
It was all so different before everything changed.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.