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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.