Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
make little things count. teach midgets math.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?