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Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!