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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Can I get likes for no reason?
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.