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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Ride me like you stole me.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.